Dr. Phil
Dr. Phil.. if you read this blog (as I am sure you do), can I please be a guest on your show? My friends and family think I am a perfect candidate to sit alongside you while you pick at my brain and analyze my every thought process. I have terrible stagefright and will probably pee all over myself when I get out there. But nothing some sturdy Depends can't take care of. I realize I need some help, and maybe you can be my saviour. Although I am beyond help and I don't believe in miracles. But still, I post.
I shouldnt be posting, actually. I have carpal tunnel, and it hurts. Bad. I'm on alot of meds right now. I will probably become hooked on them and so starts the downward spiral of addiction and abuse of pain meds. Eventually I will have to sell my body in order to afford to maintain my new habit. And who would want THIS body? I doubt I could do more than perhaps sell it to science.
I have spent some time lately lurking a message board called, "The Prestigious Welshly Arms". It's a board about lamb shanks and hot tubs and omelets. I hate lamb meat. It smells bad. And I am a vegetarian anyway. Not by choice. Meat makes me have terrible bouts of diarrhea. And I'm not a fan of hot tubs. I googled "hot tub diseases" and this is one I found. Take note:
Standing pools of water can be breeding grounds for disease-causing organisms. Hot tub owners must carefully balance chlorine and pH levels of the water to reduce the risk of water contamination. One condition sometimes seen in hot tub users is folliculitis, an infection usually caused by the bacteria, Pseudomonas aeruginosa. About one to two days after soaking in contaminated water, a rash or itchy bumps appear on the skin. The bumps may enlarge and become red or fill with pus. In many cases, the symptoms clear on their own. But sometimes topical anti-itch medications and/or topical antibiotics are needed.
The famous "Lovahs" sketch with Roger and Virginia Klavin failed to address the fact that they had this skin condition. And they would invite other hotel guests, friends and lovahs into the ha-tub to play with them, thus exposing these unsuspecting people to a host of painful and embarrassing skin and genital diseases as well.
No wonder Roger had a bad back.
And I am unable to partake of the "build-your-own-omlet" station, as I'm allergic to eggs. Besides very real concerns over pesticides and hormones, eggs make me break out in hives, followed by painful stomach cramps accompanied by violent vomiting and diarrhea.
So much for the "Denny's Grand Slam" breakfast deal, eh? :-/ More likely I'd be taking a "grand slam" in the Denny's restroom! :-/
Not exactly the kind of guest the Welshly Arms would welcome with .. eh.. welcoming ARMS. ;-/
So, why do I lurk on this message board? The people are nice, seem mentally stable, aren't walking harbingers of diseases, and I like Rachel Dratch. I don't know her actually, but I suspect she is a nice sort.
I love the Saturday Night Live sketch she does about that lady who is always down about everything.
I've never known anyone like that.
Hmm :-/
(L.L)
I shouldnt be posting, actually. I have carpal tunnel, and it hurts. Bad. I'm on alot of meds right now. I will probably become hooked on them and so starts the downward spiral of addiction and abuse of pain meds. Eventually I will have to sell my body in order to afford to maintain my new habit. And who would want THIS body? I doubt I could do more than perhaps sell it to science.
I have spent some time lately lurking a message board called, "The Prestigious Welshly Arms". It's a board about lamb shanks and hot tubs and omelets. I hate lamb meat. It smells bad. And I am a vegetarian anyway. Not by choice. Meat makes me have terrible bouts of diarrhea. And I'm not a fan of hot tubs. I googled "hot tub diseases" and this is one I found. Take note:
Standing pools of water can be breeding grounds for disease-causing organisms. Hot tub owners must carefully balance chlorine and pH levels of the water to reduce the risk of water contamination. One condition sometimes seen in hot tub users is folliculitis, an infection usually caused by the bacteria, Pseudomonas aeruginosa. About one to two days after soaking in contaminated water, a rash or itchy bumps appear on the skin. The bumps may enlarge and become red or fill with pus. In many cases, the symptoms clear on their own. But sometimes topical anti-itch medications and/or topical antibiotics are needed.
The famous "Lovahs" sketch with Roger and Virginia Klavin failed to address the fact that they had this skin condition. And they would invite other hotel guests, friends and lovahs into the ha-tub to play with them, thus exposing these unsuspecting people to a host of painful and embarrassing skin and genital diseases as well.
No wonder Roger had a bad back.
And I am unable to partake of the "build-your-own-omlet" station, as I'm allergic to eggs. Besides very real concerns over pesticides and hormones, eggs make me break out in hives, followed by painful stomach cramps accompanied by violent vomiting and diarrhea.
So much for the "Denny's Grand Slam" breakfast deal, eh? :-/ More likely I'd be taking a "grand slam" in the Denny's restroom! :-/
Not exactly the kind of guest the Welshly Arms would welcome with .. eh.. welcoming ARMS. ;-/
So, why do I lurk on this message board? The people are nice, seem mentally stable, aren't walking harbingers of diseases, and I like Rachel Dratch. I don't know her actually, but I suspect she is a nice sort.
I love the Saturday Night Live sketch she does about that lady who is always down about everything.
I've never known anyone like that.
Hmm :-/
(L.L)
posted by Debbie Downer at 6:51 AM
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